I made my girlfriend cry :: Listening to the burdens of middle schoolers.

At the beginning of the school year I asked our middle schoolers to write their burden down. Whatever it was, big or small, I wanted them to try to imagine God taking that burden and making it lighter for them. Having their responses sitting on my desk for the past few months has helped me as I write messages, make phone calls, respond to parents, and love teenagers through some of the mess. Here are a few of their prayers. If you're a youth pastor, leader, or volunteer don't be afraid to ask your teenagers about their burdens. Then pray for them and do your best to see life through their eyes when you are with them.

~ Help me not to be so judgmental. Help me to listen to my parents. Help me not to remember hurtful things from the past. Please help me be myself.

~I always feel like I'm losing my two best friends at school.

~I'm lazy and shy.

~I can never make up my mind about anything! When I mean everything. And I am unsure about everything in my life.

~I do wrongly to those who love me.

~I have a bad attitude and I want a happy heart and to please you more.

~ I made my girlfriend cry :(

~My boyfriend is controlling. My parents are suffocating me. I hear bad rumors. School drama. Threatening girls. Being assaulted. I'm STRESSED!!!

~I want to help my parents not fight and make sure the cat stays in the house.

~I steal stuff.

~I haven't been doing my homework. I have been frequently cussing. I look at girls as objects sometimes. I feel low, as if I don't matter. I feel smarter than others. Help.

~There's a girl at school who I am pretending to be her friend. :(

~I really hate my sister.

~I am so scared, my parents just got divorced. I don't want to be sad anymore. Please help me know it's going to be ok. I am very lonely please help me God and lift this burden off my shoulders. I love you.

~I've lied too many times.

~I don't like how I look. You made me perfect. Help me believe that. Help others understand that.

~Addiction. Songs I listen to. I cuss.

~I took my sisters #1 doll. :(

~Please help me be nice to my sister and make her feel important.

Looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Cool Cornucopia Fall Greeting

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The kids in the foyer: A 3 year old's perspective on youth ministry.

Yesterday my 3 year old daughter Kirra was walking into the church. I was going to watch her and Mya while daddy went to a meeting. Usually, when Kirra enters the church it's on a Wednesday night when the foyer is crowded with teenagers. They are everywhere. Some standing in circles (alright, most standing in circles). Some playing ninja. Some running around chasing each other in an endless game of tag. Some sitting at tables. Some hugging the wall hoping no one will notice they are there. What I didn't realize was that our daughter noticed all of this, because yesterday, when she walked into the darkened foyer--empty of of the smell and sounds of teen-spirit--she said,

"Mommy, where are all of your kids?"

Speechless. In one question--innocently asked--my kid put my world back into perspective.

She sees the vision. And she's only three. These are our kids. All of them.

Wednesday night our foyer explodes in organized chaos. I get frustrated. I'm tired of seeing the kids making out on the back row--during the message! I get huffy that we have to walk around the building five times an hour to make sure kids aren't using our property to do stuff kids do behind buildings. I can get discouraged when I see visible cliques and exclusiveness. Even when all engines are firing, we've got plenty of leaders, and good things are happening, I go home tired and ready to eat junk food on the couch. Ministry is messy and it isn't easy.

But...without all of that...there's not much to it. We love students because we want them to experience the restoration of Christ and the hope he offers to us all.

Kirra knows that teens belong in our foyer. She sensed something wasn't right when they were gone. I hope and pray that I'll always have that same sensitivity. I pray that teenagers lives would always be the ambition behind everything we do.

Thanks for the heads up Kirra and for being my kid. One day you'll be one of those teens in the foyer--so important--so special, and I hope and pray there's a youth pastor who sees the foyer as an opportunity to love you further into God's Kingdom. Maybe I'll be the lucky pastor who gets to do that. Maybe not. Either way, it's my prayer sweet girl. I love you.

Social Network Guidelines for Ministry Leaders

Social media is here to stay. But how do we train our leaders and even educate ourselves on healthy boundaries and standards to protect everyone in the process? My pal Alan Mercer is working on a social media training element for his ministry and it got me thinking about what we're doing (or not doing) again.

I came across the Safe Church guidelines shared on Episcopal church of Connecticut's website. I was impressed with the suggested practices and guidelines. They even include recommendations for email, texting, video chats, and video blogs. The icing on the cupcake here was a link to print a PDF booklet to pass out at training meetings. I'll be doing this today.

Our church uses Safe Church for background checks, even so, I was unaware of the diversity of their resources. I'm not getting paid to say these things---I just think it's an valuable resource for us utilize to use to keep our families and everyone we serve safe.

Heart Check for Ministry Leaders: How often do you really go to church?

Our lives are full. Ministry to and with teenagers and their families is more than a full time job. When we find ourselves entering into their lives and they into ours--there is plenty to do, worry about, plan, follow-up with, pray over, and multi-task.

One of the down sides of full time ministry is that we take our families (husbands, wives, and children) to our job with us each weekend. I have found myself asking after long Sunday morning or Wednesday nights of ministry, "When do I get to attend church with my family?"

It's a hard thing to do when we have various responsibilities during our time spent in the church building, but the longer I do this the more I realize that "church" and the worship, discipleship, and fellowship I believe comes along with it is often in my attitude towards it and my posture by which i approach it.

Let me explain.

Church came for me this weekend as I sat with friends for lunch after a funeral, with all of our kids, and all of our mess.

Church came for me this weekend visiting a pumpkin patch with our beautiful girls--enjoying the sunshine and the smells of the season.

Church came for me worshiping during a non-traditional Saturday night service with my husband, a service where I have no responsibilities other than showing up.

Church came for me when I thanked God for the role I serve in the lives of our students, families, and friends as a pastor who can walk beside them in some of life's most exciting, challenging, and heartbreaking moments. It's both humbling and an honor to be used by God in this way.

Church came for me when I huddled up with parents to affirm their role in their teen's lives. I felt affirmed in the process and hopeful too.

How you make time in the midst of ministry for your soul and your family matters...big time. You bet I'll be taking notes during sermons, worshiping more often in services when I'm not "on", and taking extra time with my family every chance I get.

I thank God every day for the opportunity to get to love the church, and get paid for it. It's not something I take for granted. At the same time, I don't want to take the husband, children, and spiritual journey that God has also offered me for granted either.

How long has it been since you've gone to church--I mean really gone there--fully present--fully open and ready to respond, be filled, commissioned, built up, or to be a blessing to someone else? Where does your family fit here--do they need you to notice them a little more this week? Tough stuff, I know, but so good---we can never spend enough time making sure the main things stay the main things.

Outreach to Parents

Encouraging, equipping, and inspiring parents begins with a passion to know them, and to know them means to understand them, and to understand them means to respond to their needs with help. ~Brooklyn, Slant 33

Read more of my response to this topic on the Slant33 Blog.

How Left Over Game Supplies Work On Stage

Our youth office has a "stash", a cabinet (or two) filled with the left-overs. I'm talking about the box of alka seltzer, jars of baby food, shower caps, random prizes from local thrift stores, and bags of cotton balls left over from various games we've played during our youth program. With budgets dwindling we've been become a bit more creative in our gaming strategy.

May I introduce to you, the Box O' Thrills?

Supplies:

One left over box from the the paper reams your office goes through ever week from printing worship folders. Decorate wildly with left over glitter, markers, pipe cleaners, fuzz, whatever you can find laying around. It's important that the box has a lid.

One-old bicycle helmet. It's great if you can find one with a story--or with a lame cartoon characters.

A life vest is optional. We found a tiny one on clearance. Perfect.

Lots of random stuff and the occasional cool thing (like a gift card or free t-shirt).

Here's how it works.

Load "The Box O' Thrills" up with all things random. I've filled our box with cereal and bouncy balls before. Every now and then put something really awesome in there.

Pick a student in your ministry to endure the box. Give them a helmet.

Explain the rules. Whatever is in the box, they can keep. It's theirs--no one can rush the stage to take the items unless they would like to share. However, the box must be dumped on their head.

Elevate yourself, either on a stage or on a chair so you can open the box over the student. Have all the students count down from ten, then unleash the randomness.

It's no fail. Ok, I take that back, it's no fail unless you decide to put a six pack of Coke in there. Soda can explode in such a situation, not that I know from experience.

Have fun--this game can last for weeks and has legendary potential. Plus, you'll get to clear out off of the left-overs to make room for more dodge balls.

Two Ton Tip: Be yourself.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Ralph Emerson

Tools to teach the way of including :: A diddy from Gungor

PFP Response: How to Love Your Neighbor (Teenager) Part 1

I'm reading a book titled, "Peppermint-Filled Pinatas" by Eric Michael Bryant. It's a humorous and engaging book that offers ways to love our neighbors and fulfill the vision Jesus had for us as he partied and dined with sinners during his life on earth. I began reading this book as a study for youth evangelism. Like many endeavors done for the sake of the call, I'm finding myself personally convicted to get off of the reality television forsaken couch that's been keeping me from opening my front door for far too long.

So I thought I'd write as I go along, grappling with the ideas and fleshing them out for youth ministry sake (really for my own sake) and hoping that whoever reads this might check it out for their own sake too.

Nugget number one. (Eric, I hope you'll forgive me for referring to sections of your book as nuggets. It seems appropriate to call these ah-ha texts full of wisdom something other than points don't you think?)

We tend to judge people who do not know Christ by the same standars we have for ourselves. (Ouch, that hurt a little. But it's so true.) We should not be surprised when people who have not surrendered their lives to God live differently. If we struggle to measure up to our high standards with God's help and intervention in our lives, how can we possibly have the same expectations for others how have not sought or received God's forgiveness and strength? It's like getting mad at Stevie Wonder for not waving at us when we walk past him. p. 21

Youth ministry observation: I'm guilty of saying (behind closed office doors of course), "what's wrong with that kid!" God, give me this heart of free of judgment. Help me to see "that kid" as one waiting to be transformed as I walk beside him or her. Maybe a sign should be posted on my door for me to see before I enter our area of ministry "Teenagers in process" or "Be patient, they are growing." or "Chill out woman, I'm not through with any of you yet!".

Personal observation: Over the last five years, I feel like I've done better at not imposing my own personal expectations on everyone else. But it's still challenging to live this way--to truly "be with" without thinking of improvements for the person you are with. It's a hard habit to break but the more I find myself truly enjoying people for who they are and not for who I need them to be, the more I find myself having authentic friendships that naturally yield in personal growth and transformation.

I'll be posting more on PFP as I read.